Internal Battles/External Community

Though my first two years as music director at Grace were a little tough, this past year has been a bit easier. I figured a few things out, and my four kids became more independent. Gaining some confidence in myself, my desperation for help from God wasn’t quite so desperate. And my default of relying on self rather than the Spirit kicked in as things got easier.

But when I put the Holy Spirit aside and rely on my own strength, my sin overwhelms me. I get discouraged by my inability to overcome it.  Taking on an unhealthy guilt, I try to hide from my heavenly Father.  Hiding myself from the one I feel I’ve disappointed, I ignore his Word and his calling me back. That is when the tempter sees his opportunity, and I forget the power of the gospel. But fortunately, the Lord often uses his people around me to get my attention and remind me of who I am in Christ, something I was reminded of recently.  
One Wednesday, a few weeks ago, it was getting late and pouring down rain. I had completely forgotten to feed my kids dinner, and honestly, if I hadn’t signed up to bring dessert, I doubt I would have made the effort to go to shepherding group. But my husband and I, running late and drenched from rain, entered a home filled with friendly faces excited at our arrival...well maybe the dessert’s arrival (haha), and I was immediately glad to be there.  

After chatting and laughing over dinner, the men and women split up to share and pray for each other.  Here I explained the internal battle I was fighting and the women gave so much encouragement through their own struggles and by praying for me. But right before it was time to leave, one more lady approached me to share a picture that had come to her during the prayer time. She described a beautiful picture of me before the Lord and Jesus saying he only wants me. Not my accomplishments or my success at overcoming sin, Just Me. That phrase has been in my mind since that night and continues to remind me of my Savior’s sweet love for me.
 
 Coming out of “hiding” from my unhealthy guilt is not always easy, but through the church staff, shepherding group, Sunday School, and praise team, I am constantly being reminded of God’s truth and grace.  Through them ministering to me, I see the Lord pursuing me and I am once again reminded of the Gospel. In each of the internal battles we face, may we remember that Christ uniquely meets us through others who are operating as his hands and feet in our lives.

— Leslie Hoyle