Should I Forgive an Unrepentant Person?
Should I Forgive An Unrepentant Person?
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
Romans 12:17
After my recent sermon on forgiveness, the question was posed to me, “Do we only forgive after someone has repented?” In fact, Jesus himself seems to say as much in Luke 17:43: “if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him”. So, what is our responsibility to forgive when someone refuses to resolve a particular conflict or acknowledge a specific offense? Are we still held responsible by God to forgive that person?
When an offense has been committed, the fullest expression of forgiveness occurs when there is repentance and ensuing forgiveness. However, in instances where the offender does not repent, we must still do our part to forgive. Though full restoration may not be possible, we can still choose to forgive by resisting the temptation to be bitter or hold a grudge against the offender. Biblical examples of this include Jesus’ command to love and pray for our enemies (Luke 6:28) and also Jesus’ demonstration of this while on the cross (Luke 23:34).
So what does it look like to choose forgiveness when repentance is not present? First, it means that we fully acknowledge the pain and hurt that the offense has caused within us. We are not meant to bury and deny feelings of anger, betrayal, or disappointment. Second, we commit to continually bring these feelings before the Lord (the psalms can be a great guide for us in this). Third, we seek godly counsel for direction and guidance in navigating the relationship going forward, which seems to be in keeping with the idea of “taking one or two others along with you” in Matthew 18:16. As we commit to these steps, we do our part in choosing the path of forgiveness and seeking to “live peaceably with all.”
A final note: please feel free to always ask me any follow-up questions you may have about any of my sermons. It’s a joy to discuss and learn from God’s Word together!
Ben
Monthly Book Recommendation
For an extended treatment of forgiveness and conflict resolution in personal relationships, check out the following resources
“The Peacemaker” book by Ken Sande
"Lessons on Forgiveness" article by Tim Challies
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
Romans 12:17
After my recent sermon on forgiveness, the question was posed to me, “Do we only forgive after someone has repented?” In fact, Jesus himself seems to say as much in Luke 17:43: “if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him”. So, what is our responsibility to forgive when someone refuses to resolve a particular conflict or acknowledge a specific offense? Are we still held responsible by God to forgive that person?
When an offense has been committed, the fullest expression of forgiveness occurs when there is repentance and ensuing forgiveness. However, in instances where the offender does not repent, we must still do our part to forgive. Though full restoration may not be possible, we can still choose to forgive by resisting the temptation to be bitter or hold a grudge against the offender. Biblical examples of this include Jesus’ command to love and pray for our enemies (Luke 6:28) and also Jesus’ demonstration of this while on the cross (Luke 23:34).
So what does it look like to choose forgiveness when repentance is not present? First, it means that we fully acknowledge the pain and hurt that the offense has caused within us. We are not meant to bury and deny feelings of anger, betrayal, or disappointment. Second, we commit to continually bring these feelings before the Lord (the psalms can be a great guide for us in this). Third, we seek godly counsel for direction and guidance in navigating the relationship going forward, which seems to be in keeping with the idea of “taking one or two others along with you” in Matthew 18:16. As we commit to these steps, we do our part in choosing the path of forgiveness and seeking to “live peaceably with all.”
A final note: please feel free to always ask me any follow-up questions you may have about any of my sermons. It’s a joy to discuss and learn from God’s Word together!
Ben
Monthly Book Recommendation
For an extended treatment of forgiveness and conflict resolution in personal relationships, check out the following resources
“The Peacemaker” book by Ken Sande
"Lessons on Forgiveness" article by Tim Challies
Recent
Archive
2024
July
Being Smart with Smart PhonesShould I Forgive an Unrepentant Person?Advent Booklet: Devotions for the Advent SeasonPractical PrayerAdvent | Comfort in SalvationComfort in AfflictionRemember That God RemembersA Theology of Racial ReconciliationA Practice of Racial ReconciliationQualifications of an ElderLook UpChasing EternityChasing Eternity: WisdomThe Season of LentChasing Eternity: WorkChasing Eternity: TimeChasing Eternity: Life and DeathPiano LessonsChasing Eternity: Wise WordsConversations With ChristWhy a Spring Fling?Preparing to ShareLiving the Dream: The Joseph StoryLiving the Dream: CourageLiving the Dream: TestingFaithfulness in Times of PlentyLiving the Dream: Forgotten?Living the Dream: Cultivating FaithfulnessLiving the Dream: GuiltPancake DelightLiving the Dream: ProsperityLiving the Dream: Repurposing SinPsalm 33Discovering Spiritual GiftsAn Animated Tour of PhilippiansChild-like HumilityWho I Am In ChristThe Rat Race RiskPeace Through Scripture Memory20 Traits of Biblical CommunityThreat or OpportunityPlanning for PeopleSexuality and the GospelWhy a Fall FestivalSexuality ResourcesThe Sin of SodomBiblical Sexuality: Further ResourcesWalking Through PainWhy the Old Testament is ImportantGrief and the HolidaysPromises of PeaceChrist our ShepherdMe and MaxThe Patriarch of PeaceFighting for Joy During the HolidaysLife TogetherI Love Youth RetreatsThe Cure for LonelinessThe Loneliest Time of the YearSpending the Day with GodCreation Points us to ChristChrist's Offer of EternityIn EverythingRemembering God in the MessBeing Real About our StrugglesYou FailedUnderstanding GloryA Great Big Thank YouThe Treasure of LightAn Open Letter LifePictures of God's StrengthOverwhelmed Before the LordLove as a DebtResources on God and GovernmentGifts of GraceWhen Things are HardJesus v. Paul?The "One Anothers" of RomansHashtag Holy SpiritLittle Parts of a Larger StoryRemember the Larger StoryFamilies: Struggles and Blessings in Times of TroubleLearning from Racial SinBiblical Descriptions of GodSupporting Missions - A Family AffairBible Reading ResourcesPraying with NehemiahDrawing Your Self-PortraitJesus Style CommunityEncouraging EldersA "One Another" LifeLearning from Physical StrugglesParents Being ParentedWhat We Know About End TimesDoes God Hear My Prayer?Humility: The Key to the KingdomBlessing OthersHow the Cross Changes UsCreating Sacred Times and SpacesJesus Used Technology